haha when we played bilbao years back me and a mate were in a brothel and decided to go two.s up on this brass now this was in the days of speed so the chances of getting a hard on were no fucking chance.... was worth the money for the laugh tho my sides were hurting she ended up sticking me in the bidet with nowt on but my socks while my mate tried to hump her with a floppy knob i can still see the determination on his shagging face
When I first went to Amsterdam me and a mate got absolutely ruined on shrooms and decided to play 'bargain cunt'...
The verdict was a prod with a fake rod on the biggest black girl you have ever seen. She made me stand behind me mate when id had my go, then I decided to ask how much for a golden shower?
The reply was a fuckoff great black guy throwing me out on me arse!
I do have other 'dam stories but on me phone so canna be arsed...
we once talked these two big black birds down to a fiver each for 2 blow jobs and a shag there was about 10 of us in this room nobody took the offer up for out but we had a right laugh in there amsterdams great crack
Quote by GelseWhen I first went to Amsterdam me and a mate got absolutely ruined on shrooms and decided to play 'bargain cunt'...
The verdict was a prod with a fake rod on the biggest black girl you have ever seen. She made me stand behind me mate when id had my go, then I decided to ask how much for a golden shower?
The reply was a fuckoff great black guy throwing me out on me arse!
I do have other 'dam stories but on me phone so canna be arsed...
whats with you lot going all mental in amsterdam? Go to The Hague and you'll experience Holland way better.
when i left home for the first time I went off the rails a bit - lot of drink and drugs and some very low quality sex (though not as much as I'd have liked). One night I met this malaysian bird who I persuaded to leave with me. Got back to hers and I passed out. Next morning I woke up hard are owt and decided fuck it she's hanging but it's got to be worth fucking her. This girl was terrible: awful face but a sagging stomach so decided she probably doesn't get much. Rode her bareback, ATM, made her fuck herself with a hairbrush whilst I watched - pretty horrific way to behave. She got her own back when I had to visit the clap clinic though.
First time I met my missus (now fiance) I was too fucked to have sex with her (can't get it up on MDMA) but have been with her for years now. funny old world!
Quote by redmondnever been a one for dressing up closest av done is a blacked out face and hands after a away day dressed as shaft
Im kind of the same S, but did have a great night once on Halloween with my ex I remember saying to her all night at the party, 'Im going to smash you all night you horny (literally) bitch...'
Thinking about it, she did/does have a superb rack.
Any pics to verify such a statement?
She works in my office, I can verify that statement
Quote by GelseSpeak for yourself^ Im quite a randy fucker on mandy!
lucky for you mate. I just want to hug everyone and make new best mates which last until I come down! Tried taking viagra on it and still didn't manage to get anywhere...
Quote by GelseSpeak for yourself^ Im quite a randy fucker on mandy!
lucky for you mate. I just want to hug everyone and make new best mates which last until I come down! Tried taking viagra on it and still didn't manage to get anywhere...
Quote by GelseSpeak for yourself^ Im quite a randy fucker on mandy!
lucky for you mate. I just want to hug everyone and make new best mates which last until I come down! Tried taking viagra on it and still didn't manage to get anywhere...
Im the opposite on charles though...
Everyone is a cunt on charlie, it's why I stopped doing it - getting into scraps with bods who were a lot bigger than me and alienating people isn't a good look!
Quote by SAFCBeauforti pulled a beautiful 26 year old russian on my recent trip to dusseldorf. i didnt pay either.
he must have felt sorry for you, James
"The nightmares invading the sleep of Bayern fans involve four horsemen of the Champions League Apocalypse riding towards them. As the faces come into focus, they will recognise Frank Lampard, Cole, Petr Cech and Drogba. All were immense..."
quick one from my late teens. Was in a house party and loads of people etc...and anyways, the guy who owned the house was going out with a bird we knew was a right raver (back in those days, birds weren't half as easy as they seem to be now but she was and I knew - another story for later....) Anyways, partys in full flow and there's a pile us of upstairs basically waiting around near the bog for a piss, mixture of birds and blokes having a laugh and a beer. some on the stairs, some in the hallway between rooms. Next thing a bedroom door literally falls to the ground, those close to it scatter and though and behold, there's the house owner, half pissed, in the bedroom with trousers down, cock gleaming from the jar of vaseline on the bed, greasing the birds arse (who's holding her cheeks apart ) and he's about to go brown. there was a brief second pause before the howls of laughter started. Turned out there was some problem with the door and so his dad had taken it its hinges but the silly fucker still went to that room for a shag. presumably, motion of some description had caused the door to fall. Talk about caught bang to rights. The bird was crimson and he weren't much better. always reminded me of that song from The Warriors...."nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide...."....
"The nightmares invading the sleep of Bayern fans involve four horsemen of the Champions League Apocalypse riding towards them. As the faces come into focus, they will recognise Frank Lampard, Cole, Petr Cech and Drogba. All were immense..."
haha cracking thread. Got talking to this bird out on the town one weekend, having a good laugh flirting and the like so thought I could be in here but was having a few issues getting the 3" diamond cutter to preform when id been on the lash so asked a mate to give me one of these magical blue pills he always keeps on him. Anyway sure as sugar start necking on with the bird and hop in a taxi back to mine, after 10 minutes rolling about on the sofa im seeing no life in the old boy so go to the bathroom to take this pill, get the thing out my pocket and its like a fucking horse pill was the size of a fist! Think fuck it and swallow it down anway but all of a sudden start choking and i mean propper choking couldnt breathe, turning blue the lot! Anyway must have passed out on the bathroom floor at this point then all of a sudden I wake up with a massive shock, the birds only got me in the heimlich manouver! She gives me a massive squeeze and the thing shoots out my throat and onto the bathroom floor, as if nearly choking to death wasnt bad enough we were both now sat on the bathroom floor staring at this viagra pill the size of a housebrick, awkward silence so I decide to break the tension by making a joke "think ive gotta stiff neck now" not suprisingly she promptley fucked off and never saw her again! Fucking hell what a nightmare I was nearly ended by a viagra pill
Quote by Horse & Houndhaha cracking thread. Got talking to this bird out on the town one weekend, having a good laugh flirting and the like so thought I could be in here but was having a few issues getting the 3" diamond cutter to preform when id been on the lash so asked a mate to give me one of these magical blue pills he always keeps on him. Anyway sure as sugar start necking on with the bird and hop in a taxi back to mine, after 10 minutes rolling about on the sofa im seeing no life in the old boy so go to the bathroom to take this pill, get the thing out my pocket and its like a fucking horse pill was the size of a fist! Think fuck it and swallow it down anway but all of a sudden start choking and i mean propper choking couldnt breathe, turning blue the lot! Anyway must have passed out on the bathroom floor at this point then all of a sudden I wake up with a massive shock, the birds only got me in the heimlich manouver! She gives me a massive squeeze and the thing shoots out my throat and onto the bathroom floor, as if nearly choking to death wasnt bad enough we were both now sat on the bathroom floor staring at this viagra pill the size of a housebrick, awkward silence so I decide to break the tension by making a joke "think ive gotta stiff neck now" not suprisingly she promptley fucked off and never saw her again! Fucking hell what a nightmare I was nearly ended by a viagra pill
superb
"The nightmares invading the sleep of Bayern fans involve four horsemen of the Champions League Apocalypse riding towards them. As the faces come into focus, they will recognise Frank Lampard, Cole, Petr Cech and Drogba. All were immense..."
Quote by Horse & Houndhaha cracking thread. Got talking to this bird out on the town one weekend, having a good laugh flirting and the like so thought I could be in here but was having a few issues getting the 3" diamond cutter to preform when id been on the lash so asked a mate to give me one of these magical blue pills he always keeps on him. Anyway sure as sugar start necking on with the bird and hop in a taxi back to mine, after 10 minutes rolling about on the sofa im seeing no life in the old boy so go to the bathroom to take this pill, get the thing out my pocket and its like a fucking horse pill was the size of a fist! Think fuck it and swallow it down anway but all of a sudden start choking and i mean propper choking couldnt breathe, turning blue the lot! Anyway must have passed out on the bathroom floor at this point then all of a sudden I wake up with a massive shock, the birds only got me in the heimlich manouver! She gives me a massive squeeze and the thing shoots out my throat and onto the bathroom floor, as if nearly choking to death wasnt bad enough we were both now sat on the bathroom floor staring at this viagra pill the size of a housebrick, awkward silence so I decide to break the tension by making a joke "think ive gotta stiff neck now" not suprisingly she promptley fucked off and never saw her again! Fucking hell what a nightmare I was nearly ended by a viagra pill
Quote by Horse & Houndhaha cracking thread. Got talking to this bird out on the town one weekend, having a good laugh flirting and the like so thought I could be in here but was having a few issues getting the 3" diamond cutter to preform when id been on the lash so asked a mate to give me one of these magical blue pills he always keeps on him. Anyway sure as sugar start necking on with the bird and hop in a taxi back to mine, after 10 minutes rolling about on the sofa im seeing no life in the old boy so go to the bathroom to take this pill, get the thing out my pocket and its like a fucking horse pill was the size of a fist! Think fuck it and swallow it down anway but all of a sudden start choking and i mean propper choking couldnt breathe, turning blue the lot! Anyway must have passed out on the bathroom floor at this point then all of a sudden I wake up with a massive shock, the birds only got me in the heimlich manouver! She gives me a massive squeeze and the thing shoots out my throat and onto the bathroom floor, as if nearly choking to death wasnt bad enough we were both now sat on the bathroom floor staring at this viagra pill the size of a housebrick, awkward silence so I decide to break the tension by making a joke "think ive gotta stiff neck now" not suprisingly she promptley fucked off and never saw her again! Fucking hell what a nightmare I was nearly ended by a viagra pill
Quote by Horse & Houndhaha cracking thread. Got talking to this bird out on the town one weekend, having a good laugh flirting and the like so thought I could be in here but was having a few issues getting the 3" diamond cutter to preform when id been on the lash so asked a mate to give me one of these magical blue pills he always keeps on him. Anyway sure as sugar start necking on with the bird and hop in a taxi back to mine, after 10 minutes rolling about on the sofa im seeing no life in the old boy so go to the bathroom to take this pill, get the thing out my pocket and its like a fucking horse pill was the size of a fist! Think fuck it and swallow it down anway but all of a sudden start choking and i mean propper choking couldnt breathe, turning blue the lot! Anyway must have passed out on the bathroom floor at this point then all of a sudden I wake up with a massive shock, the birds only got me in the heimlich manouver! She gives me a massive squeeze and the thing shoots out my throat and onto the bathroom floor, as if nearly choking to death wasnt bad enough we were both now sat on the bathroom floor staring at this viagra pill the size of a housebrick, awkward silence so I decide to break the tension by making a joke "think ive gotta stiff neck now" not suprisingly she promptley fucked off and never saw her again! Fucking hell what a nightmare I was nearly ended by a viagra pill
Excellent effort, tea nearly spat over the screen...
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Mon Sep 05, 2011 9:59 pm (Last edited: Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:17 pm)
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I remember saying to her all night at the party, 'Im going to smash you all night you horny (literally) bitch...'
but she was and I knew - another story for later....) Anyways, partys in full flow and there's a pile us of upstairs basically waiting around near the bog for a piss, mixture of birds and blokes having a laugh and a beer. some on the stairs, some in the hallway between rooms. Next thing a bedroom door literally falls to the ground, those close to it scatter and though and behold, there's the house owner, half pissed, in the bedroom with trousers down, cock gleaming from the jar of vaseline on the bed, greasing the birds arse (who's holding her cheeks apart 
there was a brief second pause before the howls of laughter started. Turned out there was some problem with the door and so his dad had taken it its hinges but the silly fucker still went to that room for a shag. presumably, motion of some description had caused the door to fall. Talk about caught bang to rights. The bird was crimson and he weren't much better. 
