Ok here goes, we used to hang around the student nights in Hull about 15 years ago always good hunting ground, anyway I eneded up in the halls of residence and back some birds room, unspectacular sex followed, just as a shot my load I lost control of bowels and farted bit embarrassed I started to apologise but she found it hilarious so no disaster there, keep in mind I'm still hanging out the back of her when I felt it a bit wet in my arse crack so natural reaction is to have a feel, pulled my hand round and couldn't see fuck all as light was out anyway started to have this sense of dread come over me as I had a sniff of my fingers and realised I'd followed through, gets worse..
As soon as I sniffed up I started gipping and yawned up the contents of my stomach all over the bed and her back, I could go on but still traumatic thinking about it now, didn't help both of us having to get to the shared washrooms together. Grim.
Never anyone until a couple of weeks later in same club my mate was talking to this birds mate pissing himself he tells me that shed told him everything and he delighted in telling all me mates, how I'd 'tripled' this lass not sure I've ever heard this phrase and it haunts me now and was used to great effect in his best mans speech at my wedding, three cheers, triples all round, once twice three times a lady.
When I was in the Navy I shagged a rotten bird one night in Pompey. She was horrible with a gash as wide as the Dockyard gates. Anyway after the sex we were chatting and she asked me what ship I was on so I told her then she asked me my name and said she'd write,I was sobering up a bit now and thought fuck this so I gave her my mates name Able Seaman Smith ( name changed to protect the innocent). So then she said you better give me your I/D number infact show me your I/D card which I did. She never looked at my name just the photo and number. Anyway couple of weeks later I'm on leave at home in Birmingham and my ship is in Pompey docks. There is a phone call for Able Seaman Smith, he answers and this bird says it's Carol here you fucked me the other week. My mate says hang on a minute love she says you did and you gave me your address and I/D. My mate makes a note of it and tells her to ring back in 5. He finds out its me and when she phones back all the lads in the mess are taking it in turns to talk dirty to her then they invite her and her mate on board. One of the lads went and signed them into the Dockyard , laughing when he saw them. So they came on board and 2 of the lads fucked them. I came back off leave the next week and got hammered by the lads especially Able Seaman Smith.
Another time I was based in Rosyth just outside Edinburgh. We were all out one night and I ended up in a taxi going back to this birds house. We were fooling around in the back when I noticed the taxi was pulling into the married quarters ( a housing estate for servicemen and their wives). I said fucking hell are you married to a sailor, she said yes it gets ever so lonely when he's away at sea. So I said what ship is he on? She replied the Ark Royal. Fuck me I said you can't be that lonely they only sailed this morning!
A few Xmas's ago, my best mate invited me and my Mrs to his works do, shirt and tie job at one of those corporate events in a marquee... Loads of booze was had by all and my mate's mrs and I had a bit of "flirting" history in the past, brought back to life by the copious amounts of white powder we'd both been tooting all night. Anyhow, back at his gaff later (where we're all stopping) mate's mrs and I do a bit more c upstairs, on the way out of his spare room I just grab her and pin her roughly to the wall for a quick snog. Both of us were shocked but carries on downstairs to carry on drinking with mate and my mrs. This goes on for most of the night until my mate crashes and goes to bed alone leaving me with the mrs and his. All 3 of us have a "night-line" before bed, me and mrs climb in together soon to be joined by mates mrs. Now I'm well away from mates' mrs at this point, still with CK's on... All of a sudden, my mrs tells me to get in the middle of 'em which of course I do... (mates mrs has tights, knickers and bra on at this point) I can't resist tweaking mates' mrs tits while I'm spooning her then all of a sudden, mine reaches from behind me to start pulling mate's mrs gear off !! All 3 of us sit up me grinning like a bastard, both girls say "happy Xmas" and we promptly get it on.... Best night I've ever had, the sight of your mrs getting licked out while you're fookin the licker is the bollox... Getting excited just reminiscing on that one...
Quote by scoobyA few Xmas's ago, my best mate invited me and my Mrs to his works do, shirt and tie job at one of those corporate events in a marquee... Loads of booze was had by all and my mate's mrs and I had a bit of "flirting" history in the past, brought back to life by the copious amounts of white powder we'd both been tooting all night. Anyhow, back at his gaff later (where we're all stopping) mate's mrs and I do a bit more c upstairs, on the way out of his spare room I just grab her and pin her roughly to the wall for a quick snog. Both of us were shocked but carries on downstairs to carry on drinking with mate and my mrs. This goes on for most of the night until my mate crashes and goes to bed alone leaving me with the mrs and his. All 3 of us have a "night-line" before bed, me and mrs climb in together soon to be joined by mates mrs. Now I'm well away from mates' mrs at this point, still with CK's on... All of a sudden, my mrs tells me to get in the middle of 'em which of course I do... (mates mrs has tights, knickers and bra on at this point) I can't resist tweaking mates' mrs tits while I'm spooning her then all of a sudden, mine reaches from behind me to start pulling mate's mrs gear off !! All 3 of us sit up me grinning like a bastard, both girls say "happy Xmas" and we promptly get it on.... Best night I've ever had, the sight of your mrs getting licked out while you're fookin the licker is the bollox... Getting excited just reminiscing on that one...
Fucking hell Scooby I think you've won the gold medal for that one.
Funniest thing was, afterwards, I'm shitting it thinking my mate'll be well pissed off (he's a legend but I know he's been a twat to all his women in the past) and all he can do when we see each other in the morning is moan about not being woken up to join in !! Seems his mrs had already told him everything and they quite often play about openly... All parties still together now BTW :-)
Quote by Wwfc 67A couple of lads I know used to share a flat , these boys had no morals at all, one of them started shagging a local scrubber one night he told his pal to hide in the wardrobe, they started to get down to it on the bed with the lad in hiding with his cock in his hand , he glanced down to see this birds knickers on the floor with a shit stain in them , he burst out laughing , the bird went mental throwing things went into the kitchen got a knife chasing them around the flat whilst they are pissing themselves.
My Mrs is giving me the evil eye,as im pissing myself at that
Quote by scoobyFunniest thing was, afterwards, I'm shitting it thinking my mate'll be well pissed off (he's a legend but I know he's been a twat to all his women in the past) and all he can do when we see each other in the morning is moan about not being woken up to join in !! Seems his mrs had already told him everything and they quite often play about openly... All parties still together now BTW :-)
This bird I used to know, bit odd but sex mad invited me round to hers one time. She usually came to mine so I thought it a bit strange. Was really specific about what time I visited at and all. Not wanting to miss out on a bit of action I called over. Got a really strange sense that we weren't the only ones there. Come to think of it the sliding wardrobe wasn't closed properly either. The whole thing had a sense of the surreal about it but she was into strange role play and stuff so I wasn't totally surprised. Shagged her on a stool and when I shot my load she couldn't get me out of the place quick enough and literally told me to fuck off. To this day I'm sure there was someone watching us. Spotted a hideous looking summer scarf on the settee when leaving too, the type Rupert the bear would think twice about wearing. Never saw her after that, heard she used to hang around with some right strange types and was recently told she was now had a girlfriend!
Quote by casualcolThis bird I used to know, bit odd but sex mad invited me round to hers one time. She usually came to mine so I thought it a bit strange. Was really specific about what time I visited at and all. Not wanting to miss out on a bit of action I called over. Got a really strange sense that we weren't the only ones there. Come to think of it the sliding wardrobe wasn't closed properly either. The whole thing had a sense of the surreal about it but she was into strange role play and stuff so I wasn't totally surprised. Shagged her on a stool and when I shot my load she couldn't get me out of the place quick enough and literally told me to fuck off. To this day I'm sure there was someone watching us. Spotted a hideous looking summer scarf on the settee when leaving too, the type Rupert the bear would think twice about wearing. Never saw her after that, heard she used to hang around with some right strange types and was recently told she was now had a girlfriend!
so the local posties been wanking over you
lad well bloke i work with got tapped of this bird in a bar who was with her bloke just walked over and asked if he wanted to shag her and her bloke didnt mind he went back to theres and humped her while her bloke was shouting out instructions theres some strange cunts out there
lad well bloke i work with got tapped of this bird in a bar who was with her bloke just walked over and asked if he wanted to shag her and her bloke didnt mind he went back to theres and humped her while her bloke was shouting out instructions theres some strange cunts out there
"Fist up the arse now while dipping your cock in a pot of broth now please"
Quote by casualcolThis bird I used to know, bit odd but sex mad invited me round to hers one time. She usually came to mine so I thought it a bit strange. Was really specific about what time I visited at and all. Not wanting to miss out on a bit of action I called over. Got a really strange sense that we weren't the only ones there. Come to think of it the sliding wardrobe wasn't closed properly either. The whole thing had a sense of the surreal about it but she was into strange role play and stuff so I wasn't totally surprised. Shagged her on a stool and when I shot my load she couldn't get me out of the place quick enough and literally told me to fuck off. To this day I'm sure there was someone watching us. Spotted a hideous looking summer scarf on the settee when leaving too, the type Rupert the bear would think twice about wearing. Never saw her after that, heard she used to hang around with some right strange types and was recently told she was now had a girlfriend!
so the local posties been wanking over you
lad well bloke i work with got tapped of this bird in a bar who was with her bloke just walked over and asked if he wanted to shag her and her bloke didnt mind he went back to theres and humped her while her bloke was shouting out instructions theres some strange cunts out there
This happened to me on a works xmas do, I was out and my colleagues said this bird kept looking at me and nudging her fella, They called me over, the bloke asking about my jacket, Turns out they are cousins and he is gay. The bird asks me straight out that they have a room at hotel and if I want to go back with her. Now I spying the guy is also taking a shine to me. But I having none of it with him. I decline and go join my work pals, few minutes later the bird comes back and says she wants to fuck me. Fuck it I think and go back to the hotel. The guy is in the room, I promptly tell him to fuck off and disappear, he does so and get down to it. Nothing special and were done not long after. I leave and pass the guy she was with in the bar. He asks if I enjoyed it. Told him to fuck off and went back to my xmas do.
Me and a pal was wrecked in some club and its chucking out, I leaving and my mate ends up chatting to this bird outside, I try to get him to fuck her off, he aint listening, so I fuck off. He ends up taking her in some car park and rodgering her while her pal who is gay stands waiting. now turns out the bird was asking about me and the gay pal wanted my mate . Mad night because as I walking away from nightclub after leaving my pal, I get chatting to a bird who is up for it, I try to get get her back to a pals house in town but he doesnt answer so we get a taxi to Etap. we get settled and I start messing and plating her, she told me she had some weed, So we share a joint and next thing I know I wake up next morning pants round ankles and she spread eagled.
Some classic ones on here, I have a fair few but rather keep them dark
I was 17 at the time and started seeing this little blonde bird,anyway after going to hers a few times and never getting to far,i thought I would take her to my folks which was a pub,with me mum and dad always working,thought ideal time to get stuck up her,so after abit of kissing and touching I took her in the spare room,which had a full mirror wardwrope on the one wall,so striped her naked bent her over and off I go pulling me best porn faces and moves I could do,anyway descided to look down and watch the old fella going in and out,to which I spotted a brown blob of something right by her asshole,being frecked out as I thought it was shit,i pulled out quick time for her to look round and say whats up,for then my mother opened the door with two cups of tea,placed them on the side looked up and walked out,i could have died,anyway after closer inspection the brown blob turned out to be a mole,but I could never get me head round it so fucked her off.
Here is my input to this thread. Nowhere near as good as others on here but still quite funny.
We are in a nightclub last year. It is fucking shit so I leave to head up the high street to get a kebab. It was just me and one other mate who lived on the opposite side of town. Being the tight arse that I am I went back to the club to get my mate who stayed a few streets away. Enter the club again and this bird is all over my mate I am going to share a taxi with.
I said to myself "great a wasted journey he won't be sharing a taxi tonight". For once in my life a mate was loyal and chose me over a bird except there was a catch. He said to her I can't come back with you as I am going back with Jack I never see him these days. So she invites herself back openly admitting a threesome will be on the cards. I had a free house. Great. This girl came across as all talk though.
We are now in the taxi going back to mine and she is telling the taxi driver what she up for. Felt like we were almost getting mugged off or too good to be true. Back at mine and she insists she wants to stay the night. That was never happening I can tell you that for free. Stupid bitch. We have a bit more to drink in my kitchen then we go upstairs. Give the girl her due she took her kit off and started playing with herself. This is on my bed so I am like FUCK THIS I tare my kit off and get right inisde her.
The next hour and half or two hours or so was the most fun I had ever had. This bird was game for anything. Allowed to enter all her holes. Film it. Photo it. Everything! My first threesome was exactly how I pictured it. A great laugh with my mate with an alright bird who let us do anything. Surely a bloke couldn't ask for much more from a night out that was fairly average before?
We both finish on her face and fuck her off in the taxi. Being 19 year olds we were like wow. We are the fucking dogs bollocks. We wake up the next morning. Watch videos of her getting spit roasted as she shouts "I'M A SLUT, I'M A FUCKING SLUT". Stories of her getting double penetrated etc. Amazing. We showed our mates. Some found it great others didn't. Surprising a majority didn't like this at all. Lots of people that weren't meant to know found out. A lot of exs and girls also found out.
Now me and my friend are branded complete sex pests and get treated almost like rapists a year down the line... Well worth it.
Quote by jack5Here is my input to this thread. Nowhere near as good as others on here but still quite funny.
We are in a nightclub last year. It is fucking shit so I leave to head up the high street to get a kebab. It was just me and one other mate who lived on the opposite side of town. Being the tight arse that I am I went back to the club to get my mate who stayed a few streets away. Enter the club again and this bird is all over my mate I am going to share a taxi with.
I said to myself "great a wasted journey he won't be sharing a taxi tonight". For once in my life a mate was loyal and chose me over a bird except there was a catch. He said to her I can't come back with you as I am going back with Jack I never see him these days. So she invites herself back openly admitting a threesome will be on the cards. I had a free house. Great. This girl came across as all talk though.
We are now in the taxi going back to mine and she is telling the taxi driver what she up for. Felt like we were almost getting mugged off or too good to be true. Back at mine and she insists she wants to stay the night. That was never happening I can tell you that for free. Stupid bitch. We have a bit more to drink in my kitchen then we go upstairs. Give the girl her due she took her kit off and started playing with herself. This is on my bed so I am like FUCK THIS I tare my kit off and get right inisde her.
The next hour and half or two hours or so was the most fun I had ever had. This bird was game for anything. Allowed to enter all her holes. Film it. Photo it. Everything! My first threesome was exactly how I pictured it. A great laugh with my mate with an alright bird who let us do anything. Surely a bloke couldn't ask for much more from a night out that was fairly average before?
We both finish on her face and fuck her off in the taxi. Being 19 year olds we were like wow. We are the fucking dogs bollocks. We wake up the next morning. Watch videos of her getting spit roasted as she shouts "I'M A SLUT, I'M A FUCKING SLUT". Stories of her getting double penetrated etc. Amazing. We showed our mates. Some found it great others didn't. Surprising a majority didn't like this at all. Lots of people that weren't meant to know found out. A lot of exs and girls also found out.
Now me and my friend are branded complete sex pests and get treated almost like rapists a year down the line... Well worth it.
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Thu Sep 08, 2011 9:21 pm
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